As for me, I know of nothing else but miracles. - Walt Whitman

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I Can't Imagine.....

- what it means to truly be hungry.

- what it must have been like to be taken away from your home and your loved ones and brought to an orphanage full of other children.

- what it must have been like learning to know this new group of people.

- what it must have been like to grieve the loss of your mother, sister, great-grandmother, aunts, uncle and home.

- what it must have been like to be taken away from the orphanage and all of your new friends and caregivers.

- what it must have been like to ride in a vehicle, for probably the first time in your lives, for two and a half days over bumpy roads.

- what you must have been feeling during the long van ride. How scared you must have been because you were once again leaving everything you'd ever known.

- what you felt when you once again entered a strange new place full of new children and caregivers to meet.

- what you must have felt when you realized that these people spoke a different language and you couldn't understand anything that was being said.

- what it must have been like seeing your beautiful birth mother again after so long.

- what it felt like to once again be held in her arms and kissed.

- what it must have been like to see three strange white people sitting with your mother and then getting pictures taken with her.

- what it must have been like to hear your mother tell you that this strange man and woman were going to be your new mommy and daddy.

- what you felt as your mother told you goodbye and sadly walked away.

- what it must have been like learning that your new "mommy" and "daddy" didn't speak your first language, or the new one you were learning. They spoke something very different indeed.

- what it was like for you to spend the afternoon with this new "mom" and "dad", only to have them leave you again at the end of the day.

- what it must have been like to spend the week with this new family, only to have them leave you again on the weekend.

- what you must have felt when your new "mom", "dad", and "sister" didn't come back the next day, or the next, or the next, or the next, or the next.

- what you were thinking when you opened birthday presents from your new "mommy" and "daddy." Did you wonder where we were? Why we didn't deliver them? Have you ever had birthday presents before?

- what you thought when you saw photos of yourselves with the white people. Did you remember us? Did you miss us? Or had it been too long.....

- what you will be feeling when you see the strange white couple again, running towards you with their arms open wide.

- what it will be like to leave your home and spend the night in a hotel with these people.

- what it will be like to once again, leave everything you know and journey to a strange new place, where the sounds, sights, smells and tastes will be extremely foreign and totally different than anything you've ever experienced.

- what you will be feeling as you ride in an airplane for the first time.

- what it will be like for you to see your new home and family members.

You are so young, my sons, and yet in some ways you're older than me. You've certainly been through more in your short lives than I ever have. You've endured more loss and tragedy than I could ever imagine.Your grief must be profound, but I want you to know that I will be here for you, no matter what. I will weather the storms with you, and I will pray that our great God will bring healing and peace to both of you. I love you both more than words can say. And I'm so glad that you have each other to hold onto.

"As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you; and ye shall be comforted...." Isaiah 66:13


  1. Gave me chills Erica! We love those boys and you all so much!

  2. You made me cry. You are indeed entering a whole new phase of parenthood...becoming a mother to someone else's children...thinking of their other mother every single day...knowing that your children have experienced so many things that you were never party to...knowing that there are so many things bottled up inside of them that they may never be able to give words to. It's hard, but you will continue to learn SO much about God through the process as He continually breaks your heart for what breaks His. I can't really explain what it means to walk this journey with you!

  3. Beautifully stated Erica!!! Can't wait to hear you have an Embassy appointment. xoxo

  4. Wow. Erica! Your words are amazing! You move me to tears! Your love for your boys oozes in this post and I can't wait to see pictures of you being blessed enough to shower it on them at HOME!!!!! You have an amazing heart and are a wonderful momma!!!! C'mon Embassy appt! SOON!!!! <3