As for me, I know of nothing else but miracles. - Walt Whitman

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Mind Over Matter

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about a lot of random things. I guess that's what comes from sitting in a chair for more than a week surrounded by millions of pillows (Shana calls me the pillow queen) because of a bulging disc/pinched nerve/bunched up muscles/sore shoulder/numb arm/tingling hand/dead finger/some kind of injury although I can't guess when it happened. I'm not sure what's up, but until yesterday, the myriad of massages, chiropractic adjustments, and an ER visit hadn't helped much and I couldn't sleep at night. I'm happy to say that it is getting a little better each day, which I'm thankful for because the other night the pain was worse than birthing a child. I think I would rather have been doing that because then at least I'd have something to show for it. Ok, maybe not, but last week I couldn't even make it to the bathroom by myself and Chris had to help me raise my own head. So, progress is being made and I am feeling a lot better! Here are some of the things I've learned this week:

1. I'm thankful for Valium and Vicodin. Guess I've been a druggie this week.

2. I'm even more thankful for Shana, who has worked really hard to clean the house, do laundry, keep things in order, cook, mow, babysit the other kids so I can visit the chiropractor, and does her best to work my shoulder, get my heating pad, and arrange my pillows. Everybody needs a Shana. And wow, I sound like a complete wimp, don't I?

3. I realize that there are crumbs all over my kitchen, dirty dishes are strewn around, the dusting didn't get done quite to my specifications, 6 kids can trash a house in short order, but you know what? None of it really matters as much as I usually think it does. Perfection, it seems, is not the most important thing in life. And life goes on.

4. I have an even more amazing husband than I thought.

5. I love Ashton's heart. He brought me flowers and baked me brownies to help me feel better.

6. The twins' hair can actually go for a few days without being oiled, lotioned, and styled, and the world will not come to an end. They even went swimming a few times without having it conditioned properly. Gasp!

7. I am sitting in plush surroundings while others are bearing much more pain in squalor and filth. With no one to help them.

8. How quickly I forget the depravity I witnessed in Ethiopia just a few short weeks ago, and how quickly I revert to thinking about my first-world problems.

9. I have a much greater appreciation and love for my sister-in-law, who was in a head-on collision with a semi 14 years ago and lives in horrible pain each day. Mine will go away, and is getting better each day. Hers doesn't and won't.

10. There are people with much greater problems than I have in this world and I've learned to pray harder for them this week. I have been deeply burdened with the plight of orphans, those who are abused in many different forms, modern-day slaves, trafficked children, those contemplating abortions, those close to me that have lost jobs, families struggling to just make it through some really hard things, etc, and I want to be a much bigger support and encourager where I can be.

11. I am selfish. Yep, I'll admit I've had lots of self-pity this week and I just want to be up and doing. I'm not one that likes to sit back and do nothing. But maybe God has had a purpose for me to relax a little and think on more important things this week.

12. I feel like a very weak vessel, one with not many talents, but I had a discussion with God this afternoon and told Him that I'm ready for whatever it is He wants to throw my way next. I know I'm not the perfect person for any job, but want to do whatever small thing I can to make a difference in the lives of others. And I'm willing to be used in whatever way He sees fit. So......we'll see what He has for me next!

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